Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize