apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize