My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
