talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
