i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
