fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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