Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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