but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
