You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
