that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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