just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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