Dual....:-)
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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