You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
