Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
