I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
