Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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