need another drink. this is the easiest way
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
