I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
