Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
