oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize