I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
