Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
