Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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