Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
