i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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