i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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