it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
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