ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
