watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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