i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
