maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
