Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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