i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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