Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize