Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
