y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm always down for nudity.
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