took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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