our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
