We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
