based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
