I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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