so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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