Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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