He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize