ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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