Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
