chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
