I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
