she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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