having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize