ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize