I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
