If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
