So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My first STD was from a foam party
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
