we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
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