how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I supernannyed him into submission
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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