I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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