They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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