bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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