You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
