We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
