I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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