i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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