from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
