i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
