im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
