If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm at about main and main street
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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